Tomb of Annihilation

Tomb of Annihilation was the third campaign set in the Velmaverse continuity. It "followed" the 5th edition adventure of the same name, set on the continent of Chult in the Forgotten Realms setting. It is remembered for it's many iconic characters (Camila, Dave, Barbara) and events such as it's peculiar ending (Destruction of Port Nyanzaru), which in many ways has affected the future of other campaigns. It is also remembered for being incredibly mad (retarded), where practically absolute insanity ruled the story. It is also currently the campaign with the largest party of PC's as listed below.

The Dungeon Master for the game was Kelloggs.

List of Players and their Characters
The Comrades


 * Rusty: Zook
 * Elyag: Dave
 * RoxyVelma: Camila
 * Weeb: Alistair
 * Shmexi: Jaffie
 * TheWoman: UwU

Joined during the Epilogue Session:


 * Khajiit: Benjamin Shapiro (though not a member of the Comrades)

The Story
''If you read this in its entirety without going insane, hit me up and I'll buy you a fuckin gift, Jesus Christ (not literally Jesus Christ though). Also the majority of this information was taken from a recap power point for the players just before beginning the epilogue session, thus most of it is written directly for them, if that makes any sense.''

 First Session 

In the city of Baldur’s Gate on the Sword Coast, Syndra Silvane had requested a band of adventurers to aid her in stopping the death curse, an affliction that had caused those who’ve died and had been resurrected to slowly wither and die again over a period of time. Those who arrived to the location included the dwarf druid Jaffie and his companion Dave, a barbarian dragonborn dwarf (+ retard), the rogue tiefling Alistair and the halfling cleric/mad scientist Zook whom the tiefling looked after (Also UwU but we don’t give a shit). It was clear that the death curse was affecting Syndra, as she coughed and moved rigidly, wearing a silver mask to hide her afflictions. She said she had sent other groups on this quest however they had all been unsuccessful, which she further implied you are/were her last hope. Syndra told the group that via her sources, she believed this death curse was coming from somewhere within the jungles of Chult. After she had given you her map of Chult and agreed to her terms, you were teleported to the city of Port Nyanzaru, the last major settlement on the jungle continent. You arrived on the docks, greeted by the busy metropolitan streets filled with tourists, traders and mounted dinosaurs. Syndra told the party that she would be staying at an acquaintance of hers, a merchant prince, whilst you went about your mission. As you begun your sightseeing around the port city, you encountered an altercation between a shopkeeper and mysterious tabaxi. After the argument had been resolved, the feline presented herself to the party as Camila, a street performer skilled as a bard (and other things 😉). She told the party there is a suitable place to stay called the ‘The Thundering Lizard’, owned by no other but the renowned waitress Barbara. On the way the party was interrupted by an encounter with one of Camila’s old associates. They argued in the local dialect (sounding similar to Spanish) though ultimately decided to quit and speak common. She revealed herself as Liara, a human rogue who appeared to have had some sort of history with Camila (Careless Whisper plays) in the past… Here she requested that the party took a tiny detour in helping her rob a pair of nobles visiting a rich area of the city. The group, though reluctant, accepted the offer, after Liara claimed they were some pretty shitty people. Surprisingly, the heist went well, in that they weren’t caught and so before she departed, paid each a share. Liara also told Camila she always has ‘The Shadow’, a shadowy organisation operating in the city, if she ever needed them. Camila either said thank you and left, or said go fuck yourself, historians are told conflicting accounts. The feline continued where they had left off and brought the party to the slightly run down, but still extravagant in its own way, Inn of ‘The Thundering Lizard’. Here they met Barbara at the counter, whom welcomed the party with open arms after recognizing Dave, though was shook after seeing them with Camila, an unwelcome client. However, after some persuasion (some moneyz) she let the tabaxi stay. It was at this time that the party had walked into a musical performance, played by an enchanting half elf/orc girl on her lute. Various members of the party had a slight PTSD flash back (to Nam) as this half elf/orc reminded them of someone, but they had no idea what. She introduced herself as Danielle, the taverns sole reason for income, aside from sexy Barbara of course. Daniele also recounted to the party a bit about her backstory. Here the party got to their rooms, whilst Camila and Daniele played on their lutes to the crowd the whole night through. In the morning, the party woke to find the two bards sleeping beside empty bottles in an empty tavern, and the human rogue Liara with her feet resting up on a table. She told the crew to aid her again with receiving some money that was owed to her group by a debt collector (ironic) woman named K’lahu. On their way to receive the debt the group were stopped in a side street by a gang of thugs and a tamed large raptor. After refusing to give the ruffians their belongings, a fight ensued in the street with the thugs ultimately being slain, aside from one, whom was interrogated and gave the name of their organisation called ‘The Bloods’. After a closer inspection each thug had a red pattern tattooed onto their shoulders, but it was unclear what it was meant to be. Suddenly, four guards, two coming from each way surrounded the party and arrested them upon discovery of the dead bodies, they were particularly shocked by one with half a face torn off. Camila sneakily dropped a smoke bomb making the party make a dash out of the fog, however in the confusion UwU bumped into a guard and was almost caught again, though the guard was caught off when they heard a cry from a nearby house. The guards went to check, to find a woman in shock, claiming she had been attacked and that the culprits had ran away. Unbeknownst to the guards however, was that she pointed in the opposite direction to where the party was going (epic troll) and once they had dashed in that direction the old woman revealed herself as Camila in disguise.

 Second Session 

The group went on their way to find the debt collector, who worked as a bookie who takes bets at Executioner’s Run. Upon arrival, they found the place to be packed with people, watching criminals being tossed into the pit where there they’d be eaten alive by the captured beasts of the jungle, making it difficult to find this K’lahu. However, she was eventually discovered but remained calm, saying she knew you were coming. After Dave threatened her, she accepted she’d pay up, but only after she had her own debt collected. She requested the party to search the crowd for a gladiator named Taban. The party struggled but Dave once again snuffed the gladiator out on the edge, facing over the pit, finding him with his own crowd cheering him on. He seemed polite but would only pay if they proved themselves worthy against him. Dave, though one of the shortest of the group, stepped up and readied his axe. However, just before they’d begin their duel, whilst everyone was distracted by this meeting between an old gladiator and a miniature retarded looking dragonborn, a raging allosaurus emerged out of the pit and lunged itself at the crowd. The party fought the dinosaur and with the help of Taban killed it, though when he saw that Zook had killed the beast, the gladiator pledged his loyalty to him and demanded no payment until they completed their quest (gay). He also paid the party his debts and upon delivering it back to K’lahu, said to give it to Liara instead, but paid each a share for saving many lives. On their way back to the tavern, the party was interested by the bustling streets of the city, with markets on the street corners selling all kinds of wares. UwU, became intrigued when she observed a man, standing on a raised platform speaking to a crowd claiming he needed help, his words were…

“Attention all fellow adventurers:

Johnathan Wike is in great danger, and he needs your help to wipe all the sprites in the Forbidden Towers.

But to do This, he needs a gold sword, and a couple of Chug Mugs.

To help him, all he needs is your credit card number, the three digits on the back, and the expiration month and year.

''But, you gotta be quick, so that Johnathan Wike can secure the bag and achieve the EPIC... VICTORY... ROYALE.”''

Whilst UwU had no idea what a credit card was, she was still fascinated by how easily he made  people believe him. She began to copy his manners and whole speech, repeating herself nonstop for several hours and gaining some success in scamming people for their coin. Furthermore, UwU had overheard a discussion of a lost city, by the name of Omu, hearing it’s full of a hoard of treasure, but also a great evil. Camila also played her lute on the streets during this time, making herself a modest sum of money. Before they got to the Inn, the party remembered to go see Syndra Silvane, and so went towards to directions she had given them at the start. They arrived at the mansion of one of the many merchant princes of the city, and upon arrival were let in by the guards. The group was met by the prince at the entrance, introducing himself as Wakanga O’tamu, letting them wander about whilst he lets Syndra get up from her nap. Whilst waiting in the living room, Alistair and the merchant prince shared some gazes between each other before the merchant prince was interrupted by a more pressing matter (begone thot). It was apparent however, that Camila, was not with them, as she had gone invisible and upstairs to pry on Syndra. Here Camila found an aged, wrinkled body, tiredly getting itself up out of the bed. The feline decided it’d be funny to scare the living shit out of her and so spoke, claiming to be her conscious. Camila in her invisible form, told Syndra to give the next tabaxi she sees some money, or else she’ll die from this curse and surprisingly, this worked, scaring her senseless and walked downstairs at once. The group were just about done getting some advice from the prince when she walked in, looking as if she’d seen a ghost. Camila, soon after came into the room, and once there the elderly woman handed her a bag full of gold and asking the tabaxi “is.. is this enough?”. Though Camila was in many ways, a bitch, she left it there in order to not get too suspicious. After Syndra had relaxed, she repeated herself, telling the party to hurry and find the origin of the death curse before it’s too late, sounding more desperate this time, as if she was running out of hope (which honestly, I don’t blame her). Though the party probably didn’t pay much attention, they reconciled with her, with which she offered a higher pay than what she had previously offered the group. The crew went on their way back to ‘The Thundering Lizard’ where they’d find a small crowd listening to Daniele sing an ode about someone once dear to her, though it was unclear who this person was. Whilst everyone was settling down for the night, Zook sat at the bar, tinkering with his new inventions. Whilst sitting there, the person next to him looked seriously ill, coughing and shivering. Barbara was too busy with her other clients (or so claimed to be) so Zook had to intervene. Placing his hand on the man’s shoulder, the man immediately vomited onto the bar (ew), begged for help and then fell into a fit. The rest of the patrons started to pay attention and gasped in horror upon seeing a tadpole looking creature emerge from out of his chest. Before the rest of the party knew it, the creature was dead, Zook landing the killing blow, though was immediately intrigued to how this occurred. The cliental immediately rushed out leaving only a handful of people in the room. Though some had their theories, Barbara claimed “he must’ve gone down to the Underdark, or something like that…” to have been the carrier. Zook was thanked for his assistance and although they went to their rooms, not much sleep was to be had that night.

 Third Session 

When the party awoke, they had found a note from Jaffie claiming he’d be gone for a while whilst on important business with a “old friend” but would catch up soon (excuse for not being there for 2 seshes ☹). They had various things to do around the city, the most important of all of course was shopping. After the group left ‘The Thundering Lizard’ with a full stomach they went around the market districts of Port Nyanzaru. The most famous trading area of the city was the Grand Souk, famous for being able to get anything from all around Faerun. On their way, Camila and Alistair came up with a sneaky idea of robbing a rich person’s house to gain some quick coin. Once finding a suitable establishment, Alistair helped Camila with opening the back door, letting the tabaxi inside, whilst the tiefling scuttered to a nearby tree and hid. With the help of some parkour and her claws, Camila broke into the main office of the house, finding a locked chest. After breaking a claw to pick it, she was finally able to gain access and found a letter and a large sparkling diamond. However, she heard footsteps and voices coming up the stairs and so quickly jumped out of the window and onto a nearby section of the old city walls. The walls, even though old and found within the city, were still being manned. Camila quickly changed her looks and (although she really didn’t have to) claimed that she had seen a crazy looking gnome with certain facial features similar to Zook breaking into the house right next to the wall. The guards thanked the disguised Camila and went on their way. Camila opened the letter when she reached a safe place, and found it had important information about the infamous mercenary group from Baldur’s Gate, the Flaming Fist. She would also go find her old friend and fence Garrus, a grey dragonborn and member of ‘The Shadow’. Here Camila sold the diamond, making over 5,000 gold pieces. She thanked Garrus and went on her way back to the group. Whilst this had happened, Alistair had come back down from hiding in the tree and went to a fancy looking restaurant, looking over the busy streets. Whilst ordering her drink, a thief tried to steal her bag of gold, though was swiftly put down in a large crowd without anyone noticing (sure). When Camila had returned, she gave the party their share of the coin, whilst keeping a “moderate” amount for herself. At this time many members of the party had already browsed what they were after, but now with the coin were able to buy them. Zook would buy some nerdy stuff that really no one cares about (or can remember), except for some alchemy vials and potions. UwU didn’t seem to care about buying but more scamming, reciting the speech she had learnt off by heart again, making a fair amount of coin. Alistair decided to buy 10 more daggers to add to her fine collection whilst Dave would be listening to the fine music around the grand Bazar. Here the tiny dragonborn/dumbass would become inspired to play a musical instrument and thus bought himself a pan flute. Though it took him some time to come to grips with it (like everything else) he was somehow able to play an absolute banger of a tune for the merchants and customers, gaining more money than the rest of the party had made in their entire time in the Port (apart from the diamond). Some were so shocked that he played so well (even by such a filthy looking creature) that they even believed he could be a rival to that of Daniele. However, perhaps one of, if not darkest part of this tale lies ahead.

(Viewer Discretion is advised)

Camila, proud of her new wealth, believed she needed a bit of an upgrade. She took herself to a nearby blacksmith, asking him if he’d make her a design that few had seen or used in the Forgotten Realms. She showed the smith a diagram of a hidden hand crossbow (similar to a hidden blade) tucked in her sleeves. It would take a while for them to be made so the tabaxi met back up with Alistair. Here the two sneaky types bought two allosaurus mounts with their vast wealth. Around this time, the smith had completed his requisition and so Camila went and collected her new weapon. However, for reasons that have never truly been understood, Camila decided that she’d test her new weapons out. The Bard rushed towards the poorest part of Port Nyanzaru and once there raided a house. Here she would shoot both a woman and a man dead, both between the eyes, though would immediately discover they had a young son, around the age of 4 or 5. The toddler would kneel there, weeping with both his dead parent’s heads in his arms. He glared up at the tabaxi, with tears gushing down from his eyes, whom would appear to just be gazing at her new crossbows, saying “THESE ARE FUCKIN SWEET!” and would just leave the boy there, skipping back towards the market.

(Camila had no idea how much she fucked up…)

It was at this point the party decided to actually do something for a change. Asking Barbara some tips back at the tavern, she pointed them towards a bill board for local jobs. Here one in particular spotted their eyes, a mission from Harbourmaster Zindar in disrupting dealings with pirates. The group accepted and went to the harbour to find him. Upon arrival, they found the harbour office, being greeted by a tall, yellow skinned dragonborn, wielding a magical staff which he held close at all times. Though a little rough with them, he gave them the details of the job, claiming that the ‘Flaming Fist’ had been making some shady deals with the pirates operating around the Bay of Chult. The dragonborn requested that the party somehow found a way inside their fortress named Fort Beluarian, and once there, gain access to the commander’s quarters and find anything regarding these dealings. He also told the party that he’d send his associate just a little after the group would leave to pick up what they’d find. With the party ready and with their 2 mounts they set off outside the city walls and went along the coastline to reach their destination. Along the way, they were attacked by 11 raptors, though made quick work of them. They arrived at the fort with little trouble, though true trouble would lay ahead

WARNING – High levels of Retardation are ahead you’ve been warned

Once there, the party split up. Half would go in which included Dave, Camila and UwU whilst Alistair and Zook would stay outside (pussies). Those that went in decided to go in the normal way. They reached the gates and although they were anticipating trouble, they were able to walk on in fine, as it was open to the public. At this point everything seemed to be going smoothly, there were various shops set up along the courtyard, where promising adventurers could find some FUCKIN SWEET deals and enquire about  the Flaming Fist and how powerful they were etc. THEY could’ve done that, but other ideas were in their minds. The fort was heavily guarded, with hardened warriors in the courtyard and crossbow men on the wooden walls. With this in mind Camila devised an extremely clever plan... She told the miniature, mentally defunct, dragonborn barbarian Dave to go along with everything she said. Dave of course willingly agreed and so proceeded to do everything the Cat said. In the middle of the courtyard, Dave proceeded to pull down what little pants he had on and “pretended” to be rammed in the ass by a feline furry. This presentation would go on for around a minute until the entire courtyard watched in silence and were shaken to their core. In that minute, each person pondered on the creation of the universe, the meaning of life and if there was any God at all. Visions of Thomas Aquinas, Plato, David Hume and other great philosophers went through their heads as they all came to the same conclusion, what the fuck were they watching? When would it end? Why are people like this allowed to live? And what all-powerful God would allow this travesty to occur?

I’ll just give you a minute to picture that…

The leader of this detachment for the Flaming Fist came out of the inner bailey and questioned what the hell was going on. However, Camila with a little use of comedy (+magic) made the commander fall to her knees laughing uncontrollably, having to be dragged back inside. However, to make matters worse for the party, Camila, now realising how strange the position she was in, turned herself invisible. This action made the guards go into high alert, taking the half-naked Dave into the inner bailey and placing him in the cells. Camila, now invisible, would sneak into the inner bailey and try to find the commanders quarters and free Dave. This resulted in an epic fail, with the Tabaxi being caught and being placed next to Dave in the makeshift cells. Both Alistair and Zook became impatient and so tried to go into the fort, though due to what happened earlier, the guards were still on high alert, and to add a tiny bit of racism, took the tiefling in, on the grounds of her looking suspicious. Zook (a white male) was of course allowed in but told to not mess about and could only stay for a small limited time. In order to save his carer and assumed his allies had met the same fate, he prepared a chemical liquid to cause a distraction. However, whilst fiddling with his equipment, he spilt some acidic substance on the ground, making the nearby guards also take him in. UwU was standing outside of the bailey having watched all this happen. The associate, whom Zindar said would come meet with the party, recognised UwU, asking her where the others were, with UwU’s response only being…

"uWu"

Though the party had not ran out of luck, as the associate had brought the dwarf druid Jaffie back from his dealings. Though UwU was a stupid woman, Jaffe was a man, and he had a plan.

 Fourth Session 

Zindar’s associate appeared concerned, pondering to himself why it had to be these people who took the job. Though at this point Jaffie was onto it, having changed himself into a small mouse (something like that) and climbed up the walls of the inner bailey until he reached a window. Here, Jaffie peered in, to find the prisoners being interrogated by the commanding officer of the fort, named Lara Portyr. She was a fairly tall, strong, independent woman whom at this time was slapping the gnome Zook several times across his face. Zook eventually uncovered why this was happening, as it was revealed to him that someone with oddly similar facial features and same race had broken into a house relating to someone important to do with the Flaming Fist, stealing vital documents and a large diamond. Zook was able to convince the commander that it wasn’t him, but rather someone very close by. The tabaxi came clean, and out of the little good will she had, told Lara to let the gnome and the others go. Whilst Alistair and Zook were freed, it became clear that Dave was not in the cells. As the tiefling and the gnome went outside of the bailey, they were greeted in the courtyard by a portrayal of something seen out of the Passion of The Christ, with Dave having to drag a large wooden pole and to be executed upon it. Thankfully for Dave, Alistair and Zook convinced the fortress guards that he was allowed to be set free and thus after regaining their possessions, left the fort. Camila though, was having a worse time, being repeatedly bitch slapped by Lara. Camila made repeated attempts to make her laugh with some jokes but non would work (though would occasionally make her giggle) and would be gagged. Nevertheless, she would continue her bashing until a Flaming Fist soldier came from up the stairs and told her they needed more men in the courtyard for some unknown reason. The guards in the room swiftly left, though Lara was determined to find out where the diamond was, having just recovered the letter. However, the guard who asked for help remained, just standing and waiting there oddly. At this point, Lara had almost beat the tabaxi to death, until from behind a bunch of barrels and crates, Jaffie emerged, transformed into a wild and raging bear. The dwarf druid had also laid his staff on the ground, having it transform into a large serpent, wrapping itself around the commander, making her unable to move. Though the fight was long (almost the entire session), Jaffe had been successful in tearing Lara to shreds, her body being completely fucked up. (we also have to thank UwU as she was the guard in disguise who got the guards to not come help her. Yay, strong female characters, stfu woman). Now having to find a way out, UwU transformed into Lara Portyr, whilst pretending to have Camila and Jaffie as her prisoners. As she was leaving, the guards questioned where she was going and if they needed an escort. Though UwU tried to say no, it didn’t work, insisting that they must open the doors for her and protect her on her way back to the port city. On the way out, Alistair, Dave and Zook caught wind of the party, ambushing the caravan along the road and killing the two escorts before nearly killing UwU whilst she was in her disguise. After having obtained what he wanted by getting it himself, the associate paid the party on the shoreline before swiftly leaving them. After a long time walking back to the city, the party set up their tents for the night, resting and gathering their thoughts. Jaffie on the other hand decided he’d do some exploring and hunting. Upon finding and following a rabbit, Jaffie came across a clearing in the jungle. Though he lost sight of the rabbit, he was interrupted by the sight of an elderly man, dressed in fairly modest clothes. The man handed the druid a small deck of cards, telling Jaffie that they were his for now, for safe keeping, though would return to find and collect them in due time. Jaffie, a bit shocked and dazed, agreed. Though after the old man had left his sight, the dwarf opening the deck and picked out a random card, receiving one with the picture of a hand wielding a dagger (rogue). Jaffie quit picking from the deck, upon the card mysteriously vanishing.

 Fifth Session – The Final Session 

The party would wake up from their long rest, having completed half of the way for the journey back to Port Nyanzaru. Again, after a long day of travel, they’d try and set up a base for the night, though would be caught off guard whilst setting up their tents, they heard various voices off in the distance and so the group decided to go and investigate. Going further into the jungle, the party discovered a campfire, with three naked people sitting in an almost Gollum like manner. They seemed to be devouring something in front of them, though their bodies blocked whatever it was they were eating. Whilst Camila climbed a tree to get an advantage and Alistair planned to ambush them in case things went south, Dave, Zook and Jaffie approached them. UwU had decided to sneak around the camp, after spotting a big ass looking chest. Jaffie, Zook and Dave approached these people and when Jaffe tried to talk, the men turned their heads in an animalistic type manner, and charged at them screaming. For some reason, each one of these naked men had a scimitar… sheathed up their bums, and when they initiated combat, pulled them out, each making a terrifying scream. Camila, hiding in the trees and shooting with her crossbows and Alistair, throwing her 10 daggers at the naked men, made quick work of them. UwU however, had completely disappeared and when the party shouted for her, they got no response. Zook noticed that the large chest had been opened, but upon inspection found nothing inside. The party also inspected the bodies and what the thing was that they were eating. The meal they had devoured look unrecognizable by now, with most of its meat completely gone, though the clever ones in the group (not many) saw that whatever it was, wasn’t natural. Camila, intrigued by this food, tried a taste… Her eyes immediately turned red, and lunged towards Jaffie, being the closest one to him. Thankfully, the party were able to not take too much damage, as Camila had only attacked with her claws (still pretty painful) and Jaffie was able to restrain her by casting a spell, making vines and roots to hold her down. Dave would proceed to knock her out, and upon gaining consciousness, went back to “normal” (if that’s even possible). The rest of the party decided that they wouldn’t try that themselves and questioned if they should destroy what remains of it or not. Camila however had already made up her mind and had put it in her bag.

Meanwhile

UwU had experienced something entirely different. When she was approaching the large chest, she had a strange urge to climb inside it. This resulted in UwU waking up somewhere completely different, tied to a wooden chair, with a large light shining down on her whilst the rest of the room was pitch black. Here, a large, tall, thin, lanky man approached the kenku, hitting her repeatedly, similar to how Lara Portyr had treated Camila. He repeatedly shouted at her saying “WHERE ARE MY SANDWICHES??!!!” and putting his voice in her ear saying, “Come back to the tavern, you’re needed in the kitchen, where you belong…”

Back to the party

Eventually, UwU was found again, though acting strangely towards the others, repeating herself, saying she must go back to the tavern. Though the party were confused, they agreed it was just the illness “mad woman disease” taking over, especially being common amongst birds (haha get it). The party finally reached the port city again and although they weren’t in any hurry, decided to go see old Barbara at the ‘Thundering Lizard’. Like usual, the Inn had a busy crowd, listening to the vocal talent of Daniele. Camila squeezed through the crowd, getting out her lute and begun to play by her side, this in turn inspiring Dave to wack out his peni.. I mean panflute and together the three made the audience go crazy. Whilst Zook and Alistair sat in the corner, (probs discussing if whether or not women are actual human beings, I know that’s what I’d talk about) Jaffie went to sit at the bar. Barbara greeted the dwarf, offering him a drink, though Jaffie refused. However, Barbara strangely repeated herself, even saying he could have one on the house. Now Barbara’s a lovely fuckin woman, but she’s not that kind, and Jaffie could tell something was up, even though he’d only known her for about four days. In the corner of his eyes, Jaffie also spotted UwU walking past the counter and into the back room, where the kitchen was. Jaffie, now concerned, asked Barbara if everything was ok at the moment. The Inn keeper made a dramatic sigh and implied things were wrong and she needed some help, but she’d tell him about it in the back room (😉 Careless Whisper plays again). The druid followed behind her, in hopes of finding where UwU had gone. When he entered, he saw UwU at the other end of the kitchen, with a large, tall, thin, lanky man only wearing an apron, towering above her. He just stared at her, then moving his face to look at Jaffie in an Oblivion NPC like manner (have you heard of the high elves?). Jaffie was immediately creeped out by this, readying himself to fight and asked him what his name was. The giant replied “I’M biG MaN, anD i bEAt WomEn”. Jaffie prepared a spell and hit him, taking 2HP damage. This instantly killed him, knocking him across the entire kitchen and causing knives, forks and the most dangerous of all cutlery spoons to fall on him. By doing this, Jaffie seemed to had broken the spell on UwU, making her sane again (tho that’s impossible as she’s a daft women) However, whilst they were distracted, Jaffie was surprised to hear Barbara’s voice in a slightly lower tone. Turning around it appeared that Barbara had changed…

Meanwhile

As the dragonborn, tabaxi and half elf/orc were debuting their first single, crowds of people walking past The Thundering Lizard begun to fill the tavern. The audience became ruckus, with heavy drinking and doing all the drugs under the sun, like something you’d see at Glastonbury. Whilst the music group and the clientele were having the time of their lives this would all suddenly come to an end, as an old acquaintance of the original D&D group made a return. The tavern door busted open, slamming into the wall, following with red mist seeping into the large room. Those who gazed into it saw a tall, muscular large figure slowly reveal itself. The crowd shocked, stayed silent as they gazed upon the famed legendary hero Vladamira Torunn, otherwise commonly known to the original party as the Russian Lady. Beside her, holding her hands, was a small boy who looked around the ages of 4 or 5. With a loud voice, the Russian Lady shouted in her foreign accent “I AM LOOKING FOR A FELINE TABAXI, EVERYONE ELSE LEAVE!” With that, the festival came to an end, with everyone rushing out of the tavern, though not saying any words. During the audience’s quick getaway, Camila, recognizing the boy and seeing him with a strong, independent woman, rushed for the kitchen door, however, found it difficult to open. The only people left in the room were the party and Danielle, whom the Russian Lady recognised upon the room clearing and having looked after her for a short period of time when she was younger. They both nodded to each other with Danielle soon after going upstairs, knowing shit was gonna go down… The Russia Lady interrogated the remaining members of the party, specifically Zook, after hearing stories that someone with his description had been causing trouble. However, the small boy whom was with her made it clear that the gnome was not the person they were looking for, but rather a female tabaxi with 2 crossbows kept within her sleeves. The party, knowing exactly whom that could be, glared towards the kitchen door, which had just been opened, swaying as if someone had just rushed in there…

Meanwhile back in the Kitchen

Jaffie and UwU stared at the transformed waitress Barbara, as she had revealed herself to be a demon. She unveiled her wings and long tale and, in her hands, now carried a large spear. She proclaimed to Jaffie that he had made himself an enemy of hers, though Jaffie had no idea why. The once 60-year-old looking waitress now demon waved her hands and summoned a powerful balor (balrog lookalike) into the kitchen, bursting the roof and a side of the wall to explode. She then lunged at Jaffe, however Camila, now bursting through the kitchen door to escape from the Russian lady, saw this and without hesitation fired from her hidden crossbows, hitting her. Enraged by this, Barbara focused her attention upon the tabaxi, making Camila flee. With half of the kitchen wall blasted off thanks to the size of the balor, the kitchen was now visible, with the rest of the party now seeing what had happened. The Russian lady glanced at the boy, urging him to find somewhere safe to hide and then following this readied and flung herself towards to large demon. The Balor, wielding its lightning longsword and flaming whip, attacked her, causing both to impact and launch into the air. The party, now panicking, would rush out of the ruined Thundering Lizard to find the streets filled with people running for their lives as they gazed upon seeing the two figures fighting above the city. Dave, Zook, Jaffe, Alistair and who could forget the most important character UwU would run in one direction, whilst Camila, wanting to go find a boat to leave, rushed the other way. Climbing onto the rooftops and doing some epic hardcore parkour to get to the harbor, the tabaxi saw the amount of destruction that the Russian Lady and the balor’s battle was making. In the distance, whole sections of the city were on fire and lightning bolts shot down from the sky with every hit the demon’s longsword made, causing destruction all around. The battle was like a rather homosexual combination of Gandalf and Superman vs the balrog and Doomsday mashed together. Almost reaching the docks, Camila caught her eyes on a promising boat, now leaping to get there. Camila jumped down into a back alley to make her final sprint. As she turned a corner, she could see the silhouette of the half demon Barbara at the other end of the alley, having caught up to her. Camila fired a shot with one of her crossbows, though seeing it not doing much damage tried another solution. With the bit of remaining meat the tabaxi had gathered back in the jungle, she stuck it onto the bolt and launched it at Barbara. The bolt, clearly doing some damage, hit her in the chest and upon inspection, grabbed the bolt, sniffed the blood covered on the meat and said “brother?!” In a rage the winged demon flew towards the feline, making Camila once again climb towards the roof of the building. Here she would try and make some comedic jests but to no avail she didn’t tempt the demon to laugh once. Instead, Barbara threw her spear at the cat, impaling her to the roof and once held there would begin the beat the ever loving shit out of her (something she was used to at this point). Camila closed her eyes and in her final plea for mercy, she called upon an all-powerful God. Meanwhile the rest of the party were fleeing for their lives alongside the citizens of Port Nyanzaru. Upon seeing that there was just too much chaos, Jaffie had a feeling within his soul and so got down onto his knees and prayed, the rest of the party soon followed after they discovered which deity he was asking for aid. The whole group, now out of desperation, called upon the Lord of Trolling himself and thus summoned the divine KB to aid them. With the chanting of a prayer, others begun to kneel down and copy the phrase “WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” over and over again. Suddenly, a quick flash of light was seen through the sky covered by smoke. Through it came a large meteor, heading straight towards the balor. Upon seeing this, Barbara held off on her abuse of Camila and flew to safety, leaving the tabaxi on the rooftop, badly injured. The meteor crashed into the city and squashed the balor under it, however, in the process sent a giant shockwave and ash cloud heading towards the party and the other citizens who had prayed. Because of their faith, a magical protective barrier shielded the party and thus survived the impact and the dust storm. The rest of the city was not so fortunate, with practically all of it being destroyed. Ash swiftly fell upon those who survived, burning many and quickly covering them whole. Few were able to find shelter and fewer were saved by the Lord of Trolling himself. An hour passed, as the dust began to settle, but the city of Port Nyanzaru that the group knew only just an hour ago, had completely gone. This iconic event would become known as the Destruction of Port Nyanzaru, with its impact reaching further than just the continent of Chult, all the way to the Sword Coast. As the barrier went down, the party quickly surveyed their surroundings, some of them would try to help those who lived whilst in the distance hearing the whaling of voices, crying out for lost loved ones. It is said by some, that Dave got out his panflute and played a sick tune to clot out the noise, though this could just be some bullshit. The party readied themselves upon seeing Barbara walk through the fog of ash, she glared at each of them until placing her eyes upon Jaffie. “You never should’ve come here” she stated (which tbf she wasn’t wrong you’ve indirectly killed thousands of people) and thus leaped to attack. The battle lasted a few minutes but ultimately, she was defeated upon Dave using his magical axe to send lightning down upon her, ending Barbara the waitress (or did he?). However, only a few metres away in the opposite direction, the tired party saw the horrific sight of the towering demonic balor still alive and approaching them. It prepared to swing its flaming whip though instantly stopped and choked. After a few seconds the body of the balor split open from the inside, cutting the demon in half and emerging from out came the Russian lady, covered in its blood and licking her fingers (“now that’s finger licking good”).

 Prelude to the Epilogue 

Port Nyanzaru, once the trading jewel of Faerun, was gone, with only a handful of survivors remaining. The party, whom you would think would be hated by those who lived, were thanked for their bravery in killing the demon Barbara. Jaffie, still intrigued by the deck of cards he was given by the elderly man back in the jungle, thought why not let the others have a turn of picking from the deck.

In no specific order:

Alistair picked the card 'Vizier', though it is unclear what she used this on.

Dave picked the card 'Ruin', which everyone watching were horrified seeing the little gay dragonborn go completely naked, losing everything aside from his magical axe and strangely, his plan flute.

UwU picked 'Balance', though nothing visibly seemed to occur to UwU. She just went back to cooking and cleaning.

Jaffie picked the card 'Knight'. The dwarf suddenly got a pat on the back and was shocked to see a fully cladded dwarven fighter, decked out in steel plated armor. “Sir Jaffie, I am here to serve you, I shall henceforth carry your weapons, shine your boots and perhaps give the occasional back rub.” Jaffie, though a bit conflicted, wouldn’t turn down the offer of free back rubs and so took him on.

Zook on the other hand was the luckiest of the lot, picking the card 'Throne'. As he picked this card, he felt he could epically destroy any libtard who got in his way with facts and logic (read card for why). Furthermore, on the highest hill of the ruined Port City, a brand spanking new keep had magically appeared on the top, thus making him the rightful owner.

As for Camila, it is unknown what befell the feline furry. Did she die in the impact of the meteor? Did Barbara’s wounds finish her off? Or could she have somehow, survived?… (picked 'Void')

As the dust began to settle, the party tried to help the civilians whom belonged to the once great city state, now but reduced to ashes. Zook provided shelter for the refugees of the city within his newly made keep, with which many of them would not forget for what he did and would come to honor him later on. However, with the defenses of the city now gone, the undead of the jungle and other fiends launched a large scale assault upon the city. Though the party did try and defend as best as they could, it was only with the help of the Russian Lady that Zook's keep was kept safe and so once the battle was over, she made the gnome a deal. She would grant the gnome the title of Czar, making him the sole ruler of a New Port City of Nyanzaru, but only as long as he kept the traditions and beliefs of communism in tact within his new state. Though he was conflicted with this due to being a humble and mad/scared individual, it was with the help of his carer Alistair, an avid pro communist, that he would agree to the Russian Lady's terms. Thus Port Nyanzaru had become a communist state, held under the watchful eye of Czar Zook and his KGB force under the command of Alistair, though really they themselves were under the red eyes of Vladamira. The Czar would order the construction of new public works, such as a granary, new stone walls helped up by Jaffie's magic and a colosseum. However, though not to the Czar's favour, many residents had turned to praising the Lord KB instead for his help in stopping the balor and began to blame the Destruction of Port Nyanzaru on the Russian Lady herself, believing she orchestrated the entire battle just so that the new city state would become a communist one, thus a large group of civilians carved out a great temple inside of the meteor that had landed, naming it 'St Barry's Basilica'. Here many services would be held in honor of the God of Trolling himself, with his worshipers naming themselves Boomnades and eventually representing 50% of the city's population. Some time after this, Dave, UwU, Jaffie and his new companion whom the dwarf called Reggie (the knight) went on various little adventures for a few months, before returning to the city, now called 'Port Nyanzaru Two: Electric Zookaloo' to visit their old companion, now supreme leader Czar Zook.

Epilogue
''If you've gotten this far and read it all you're an absolute mad lad. Cheers for taking the time, you're what we'd call a don.' '''About three months had passed following the events of the final session, Vladamira Torunn would return to check up on the new port city and its ruler Czar Zook, making sure he was keeping his state inline with her communist values. She flew into the great hall of the Czar's new kingdom and asked Zook to find the tabaxi Camila at all costs as she was still wanted for her crimes. She also threatened Zook by forcing him to destroy the new great cathedral that had been made in honor of the Lord KB, 'St Barry's Basilica'. Although hesitant, Zook had to agree to her terms, though in order for the Russian Lady to know he was trustworthy she had her new companion the Bear supervise the Czar. The Bear's appearance was that of a tall, buff man, with the apparel of a bear skin on his face and back, covered in other animal hides. His face was mostly covered up with the only part you could see being a portion of the left side of his face, only lit up by a illumining red glow coming from his left eye. His intimidating presence frightened Zook and with the satisfaction that the Russian Lady now had, she flew up out of the great hall and left. Around the same time, the group of Dave, Jaffie along with his new knight Reggie (and that disgusting UwU) also returned to the rebuilt city of 'Port Nyanzaru Two: Electric Zookaloo'. There they would go to see their old friend Czar Zook, whom in turn would inform the rest of the Comrades about his troubling situation. He introduced the Comrades to the Bear, whom at first scared the party, though old Jaffie wouldn't be frightened by his size. Zook asked them for their help in destroying St Barry's Cathedral so that they disperse the remaining Boomnades out of his city. The rest of the party did not like what the Czar was asking them to do and so objected, openly declaring their love of KBism right in front of the Bear. Though Zook was able to calm him the people in the hall down, the Bear was ordered to stand outside. The party quarreled as they didn't want to destroy the Cathedral and to start a war with the Boomnades, after all, it was the Lord KB himself whom they prayed to during the Destruction and it was him who saved them. Zook agreed with them and argued that for the time being lets go investigate the Cathedral and see it properly ourselves, thus the party, including the Bear, went to see the great wonder of Port Nyanzaru Two: Electric Zookaloo.

Meanwhile

The tabaxi Camila had woken up from what felt like a long sleep in the void, finding herself in an area completely white. She awoke to find a squadron of Blood Angel space marines holding her in submission until a slightly overweight woman with a crown on her head, holding a book and a torch approached the tabaxi. She told the space marines to stand down and informed Camila that her soul now belonged to her, 'Capillary Cliton', otherwise known as Miss America. She told the tabaxi that to earn her freedom she must assassinate the newly appointed Czar Zook of Port Nyanzaru Two: Electric Zookaloo. Furthermore she had her personal companion and lawyer Benjamin Shapiro join Camila in aiding to assassinate the new leader of this communist regime. The tabaxi and Shapiro agreed and were teleport-ed outside of the old walls of Port Nyanzaru to plan and prepare for they're kill.

Back to the Comrades

The Comrades had now arrived at the wonder of St Barry's Basilica. As they entered they were greeted by a trio of Boomnades, looking oddly familiar to the real world famous actors 'Idris Elba', 'Samuel L Jackson' and the Youtube star 'EDP445' (EatDatPussy445). At first they were concerned about why the Czar, whom was known for his anti religious laws, had visited the place of worship. Zook was able to reassure them that he had no ill will and just wanted to visit. The Bear appeared to be nervous and upon seeing Jaffie and Dave kneel down and pray, chanting the phrase "WHHHYYYYYYY" over and over again, he left the cathedral. This made the Comrades panic and so just before they were about to leave to see where the Bear was off to, Zook had a divine vision that the answer they were looking for was to be found somewhere within the Chultan forest. the gnome informed the rest of the party and headed out to follow the Bear as it appeared he was leaving the city too. However, UwU had decided to stay behind and learn more about KBism first hand from the Boomnades (you won't believe where this ends her up). The party went on their way, with Jaffie stalking the Bear through the eyes of an eagle he had polymorphed into. The dwarf noticed that he was leaving the city and heading somewhere into the jungle. The group followed but lost sight of him but were soon able to find strange tracks of large feet and so followed. They traveled for around 20 minutes until finally stumbling upon a clearing in the jungle where an old crumbling watch tower, surrounded by a forgotten farm. There the party scoured the area until finding themselves with a magical trap (not the kind your thinking of fellas) waiting for them and a large explosion, with the party flying off in multiple directions. The Comrades had been surprised by the assassins of Camila and Benjamin Shapiro, with the tabaxi firing everything she had at the gnome whist Benjamin called down an air strike and caused havoc amongst the group. It appeared at first that all was lost until Jaffie used a spell to summon some pixies which turned both the tabaxi and the conservative sorcerer into mice (or rats). Then suddenly coming out from the bushes on the edge of the clearing appeared Vladamira Torunn and the Bear. The Russian Lady laughed and mocked the once assassins but now mice, thanking Jaffie in securing them. Then she picked up Camila in her mouse form and placed her against a wall, being dangled from her small tail. The Bear then undid his face mask thus revealing more of his face and spoke in a high pitch voice saying that she killed his parents and will suffer. The Bear then prepared his crossbow and was about to fire until Jaffie stopped him, telling him this is not true justice and that the tabaxi has to be put on charge officially and properly. Though hesitant the Bear relinquished his weapon and was about the walk away until suddenly a flash of light shone down up the party, where the companions of Capillary Cliton and her squadron of Blood Angel space marines descended upon the Comrades. Miss America and the Russian Lady faced off with a battle of words until then an even bigger surprise would befall upon the party. The Comrades heard a loud voice coming from the top of the tower with an elderly looking man revealing himself shouting down at them saying that they'd brought their own demise upon themselves without realizing. Jaffie immediately recognized this elderly man as the old person whom gave him the Deck of Many Things. Then the entire group of people in this clearing were mysteriously knocked unconscious, falling into a deep sleep...

Everyone awoke in large dimly lit room with a small scale pyramid in the center. Upon it was the figure of the old man, laughing at the group insinuating they'd all die. Then he transformed himself into his true form, the form of the arch lich Acererak. Then the undead lich raised his hands, turning the Blood Angel space marines into zombies and attacked the party. Though they were able in defeating them, Acererak proved to be too powerful, with both the Bear, the Russian Lady and Miss America teaming up to fight the lich. Again it looked as if all was lost until suddenly a portal was opened inside the vast room, with a large group of Boomnades coming out of it, accompanied by UwU, now the pope of KBism and even the Lord KB himself showed up to troll the undead lich. With the presence of a divine the Comrades were healed by his presence and so they once again readied themselves for attack. UwU however felt that by simply throwing her dagger at the Acererak this would wound him. The Lord KB (and the DM Kelloggs) was so astounded by her stupidity thought it would be pretty funny if that worked and so the newly crowned pope threw her dagger at the arch lich with the divine KB guiding it through the air making sure it'd hit. The dagger did hit its target and dealt such a heavy amount of damage that Acererak fled from the battle field and teleported away. The party had prevailed and won. Furthermore, as they scoured the rest of the room they saw that it was filled with large tanks filled with glowing souls. The party smashed these open and thus millions of spirits were freed from their cages. It was later revealed to the party that they had officially ended the death curse. Before they were teleported out of the room, Camila tried her luck in escaping, but was immediately brought back as her soul was tied to Miss America. Due to this, Vladamira and Capillary agreed that Camila should face some justice and so the Bear was allowed to cut of the tabaxi's tongue. Then with that the Comrades and the other heroic figures alongside a now speechless Camila were teleported back to where they were before.

However, although the death curse had been ended, their was more trouble brewing. A civil war within the city of Port Nyanzaru Two: Electric Zookaloo was about to break out between the pro Czar Zook/Communist forces vs the Boomnades. To this date it is unclear whose side has turned out to be victorious. Furthermore, the whereabouts of The Comrades is unknown.